Wednesday, May 24 ~ The Last Day
1. 6:00 AM ~ Wake, shower, shave, kiss Pat goodbye, start commute.
2. Stop at Starbuck’s for Grande Pike Place. Tell barista Alyssa this will be last time I stop by at 7:30 in foreseeable future. Leave $10 tip.
3. Park in Lot C for last time. Try not bouncing like 5th grader too much as you show ID to guard for last time.
4. Pack up the office ~ one box only. Say goodbye to friends
5. Hand in parking permit and ID.
6. Officially retired ~ Check rearview mirror and enjoy the view shrinking.
7. Turn up car stereo to 10 ~ Play “Road Mix”
8. Laugh at commuters cursing on way home.
9. Daydream about what I should have said to He Who Shall Not Be Named boss on way out but didn’t.
Note to self: Fuck him. He’s there for another ten years, if he’s not murdered first. Hah!
10. Instead of gloating, watch out for cops south of Twin Bridges (Now’s no time for first ticket in 30 years).
11. Don’t miss Exit 9 making plans for future.
12. Park car, empty last two week’s Starbuck’s cups from floor behind front seat.
13. Leave box containing 30-year career in garage next to bags of manure, peat moss and other decomposing materials.
14. Take Pat out to dinner to celebrate freedom.
15. Go to bed and dream of all the things you can finally do now that you’re not anchored to The Job.
Thursday, May 25 ~ First Day of Retirement
1. 6:00 AM ~ Wake, shower, shave. Run to Starbuck’s for Venti Pike Place. Leave $1.00 tip.
2. Sit in kitchen, stare at Pat doing housework. Offer to help. Get sent out of room.
3. Take banishment to backyard and wonder about your Plain Language Project and what HWSNBN’s doing about it without you.
4. Resist urge to call work.
5. Wonder when feeling of stepping off cliff, blindfolded, without a net ends.
6. Ask Pat again if there’s anything you can do for her.
7. Go to Starbuck’s and see what afternoon crowd looks like. (Too many old guys. Can’t relate to Off Track Betting crowd. Remember to bring iPad next time to look artsy.)
8. ? ? ?
9. ! ! !
10. ….
For Day 23 of my Story-a-Day May challenge, I was charged with writing a story in the form of a list. I was dubious if I could make something happen in that format, but I remembered my last day of work before my retirement. Polished with hyperbole and a twist of imagination and here you have a story…I hope.
A Thing for Words 
Omg, Congratulations!!!!!! 🍾🎉💥🤠😁
Although not recent, retirement is a major accomplishment! I still have, meh, 15 more years or so! I’m 40, so here’s hoping!
Be patient, it creeps up on you. And then you *may* find more time to write. I thank you for being such a generous new reader. Now…if I only had a name to place with the face and kind words, Just You. 😉☺️
Sorry. JM. 🙂 Or J.
On my blog, I have been careless in letting my first initial of my real name slip, which is K. So any of the above. They’re clustered fairly close together in the alphabet, so they’re easy to remember? I’m hoping? hehe.
So many letters, so little time. 😄
I like your blog! Your wit is such a treat.
Hahaha..Its entertaining. Would ask my dad to read this. He has 8-9 odd years left until retirement and I have seen him go from “Just 8 more years and then I can lazy around the house doing nothing” to “Oh I’ll get bored, what will I do with so much time” within seconds!
By the way loved the tittle! 🙂 Happy blogging!